I had a slightly better sleep last night compared to the nights before. I still felt a little off when it was finally time to get up, though, and my morning meditation was “just okay.” It got interrupted because I needed to take a bio break.
Still, I’m taking steps in a productive direction, and I’m starting to feel a bit better.
Here’s what else showed up for me today:
In a weird sort of way, life has become about the checklist. This list does not exist anywhere, except in my mind. And its only purpose is to let me know that I’ve made it through another part of my day. As I continue to go through the day without incident, ticking off completed items, I feel more assured that I will be okay.
It looks something like this:
❏ Drink my lemon juice and take my supplements
❏ Walk the dog
❏ Feed the dog
❏ Make and drink my smoothie
❏ Put oatmeal in my pressure cooker
❏ Write a blog post
❏ And so on
I guess it’s a bit like segment intending when I stop to think about it. I am told it’s a healthy thing to have small goals for the day when you’re feeling depressed, as tempting as it might be to do nothing.
Meditation – The New Addiction
If I’m feeling out of sorts, I lean on meditation. I currently meditate at least once per day, if not two or three times per day, usually for 20 to 50 minutes.
I have found it to be incredibly effective in helping me get back to “neutral,” and even into a more positive state where nothing feels off or wrong. I will often exit meditations feeling as though I’m an entirely new person, as though my past never happened.
If work or meetings or life in general has left me feeling a little stressed or off-kilter, then meditation is my go-to. It’s my new addiction, and it has replaced other, less healthy behaviors.
I Need Meat
Not to put too fine a point on it, but with all the cleansing, supplementing, and healthy eating I’ve been doing lately, I’ve noticed that I’ve been eating less meat.
It wasn’t all intentional. Sometimes I’d forget to go to the meat market. Some days I just wanted to stay in bed.
But after making and devouring a couple of burgers today, I can say with confidence that eating meat boosted my morale. The difference was tangible enough that I noticed it within minutes if not seconds of eating.
I’m going to continue to stick to the lemon water, supplements, smoothie, and oatmeal routine for the first part of the day. But after that, I’m not going to be depriving myself. I need meat, and any B12 supplements I’ve taken so far can’t keep up.
I have a conversation with the year two team leader of the leadership program tomorrow, regarding my recent discoveries and current state. I’m interested to see what comes of this.
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