It’s been said that planning is essential, but plans are useless.
I set out on this experiment with a plan, even if it was a bit mercurial. And now I’m finding reason to course correct, even if only slightly.
But we’ll get to that. Here’s what there is to share regarding the experiment for today:
I’m nearing the end of my intensive two-year leadership program. Last night, we had a classroom (one of the last I’ll be participating in), and I broke down while sharing that I finally understood what I’ve been feeling lately – it’s depression.
It put a lot of things into perspective for me – the fact that I wake up tired, don’t have as much energy, don’t want to go out, sometimes can’t sleep, obsess about nothing, and so on.
This confession, however, was like a load off my back. Because I didn’t feel like I needed to judge myself anymore for the way I’ve been feeling. Sharing with others also created an opening that wasn’t previously there.
There is an opening for meaningful actions as well.
I was invited out for drinks last night. I almost didn’t go.
As I shared yesterday, I’ve been tending towards isolation. Even though staying home hasn’t exactly made me happy, it has felt like the lesser of two evils. The alternative is going out and risking overwhelm and overstimulation. Plus, I didn’t sleep well the night before.
But I decided to go. I was almost instantly blown away by the amount of support and gratitude I felt for having a friend who didn’t just care but was willing to listen and contribute to me.
Talking with him and partaking in some late-night snacks and beer took my mind off the day I’d just had. And I returned home feeling closer to normal than I have in weeks.
I am very glad I went, and I’m also happy to know I might be ready to start getting out a little more too.
Before leaving the restaurant, my friend sent me off with some tapping sequences. When I say “tapping,” I mean Thought Field Therapy (TFT).
He shared with me how anxiety used to be his kryptonite, and how he would pull over by the side of the road to tap, no matter where he was.
At first, he spent a lot of time administering TFT to himself. But eventually, it blew out the anxiety completely, to where he taps maybe once per month or not at all.
I’ve known about the benefits of tapping for a long time and have even used it now and again. But I was not aware of any sequences, and I didn’t know the technique could be used for physical conditions too.
I’ve been trying a few sequences today and have been persistent in trying them.
I watched this video today…
And my thinking was challenged on one point.
Part of this experiment has been intentionally choosing inputs that are inspiring, uplifting, and informative.
But in the video, Teal Swan says whatever makes you smile and laugh increases your vibration. I recognized instantly this has been missing from my content diet so far, and I may need to rethink what inspiring, uplifting, and informative means.
I’m beginning to think that “clean” comedies might be okay. I’d still want to stay away from the late-night variety though.
It would be very healthy for me to laugh, especially in my condition.
On a separate note, after I came home from drinks last night, out of habit, I turned on an audio program while playing a game on my smartphone. And then I started to ask myself – I’m listening to something that can benefit me, but am I breaking the rule by playing a game on my phone at the same time?
For the time being, I’ve concluded that yes, smartphone games are “fluffy entertainment.” But this is a point deserving of more thought as well.
I have not had any major stumbles on this journey so far. But I am realizing that even if I do mess up, I should be kind to myself. The core of this experiment is love, so anything less would be perpetuating a separate insanity cycle.
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