Remember – your peers aren’t necessarily as dedicated to their growth as you are to yours.
Certainly, everyone grows at a different rate. But the difference between someone who is trying to keep pace and someone who’s phoning it in should become obvious in short order.
And while you don’t need to have any “Look, I don’t see you growing, and I need to let you go” type conversations, staying in the same spot and hoping for the best could be detrimental to your growth. If you aren’t expanding, you’re shrinking!
In thinking about letting go of what is holding you back, it’s easy to let the guilt get the best of you. “Well, they are good people…” (By the way, I’ve heard people say that about literal sociopaths.)
I agree, though, that there is good in everyone. I don’t know that there is such a thing as “good” people and “bad” people. There are just people, and sometimes they do things we agree with and sometimes they do things that appall us.
Either way, you don’t want to surround yourself with “crabs in a bucket” people, as their only hope is they can keep you at their level for as long as possible. And they will do crazy things to keep you there too.
So, the question is – is the Universe urging you to let go of something right now?
Are you being asked to surrender a relationship, a job, a commitment, a habit, or something else?
If so, are you willing to let go and make space for new things to come into your life?
If you value your growth, you will exercise compassion on yourself and others and let go of what is no longer serving you.
No matter the context – relationships, personal development programs, or businesses – we all feel there are certain things that are supposed to happen in certain situations. And we’re disappointed when they don’t.
But no one knows what’s going on with another, especially when there is no communication.
Some of us are busy feeling underappreciated. Some of us are waiting for the breakthrough we’re supposed to be having, getting frustrated that they’re not showing up. Some of us are feeling like we’re missing the training we require to be effective in the role we were given.
Western culture owes a great deal to assumption. We assume people know. We assume people are competent. We assume people have the same capacity or ability or skills we have.
“They’ll do fine,” we say.
And we’re surprised to find our significant others, peers, collaborators, or partners consistently missing the target when we haven’t even generated the dartboard.
“XYZ should be setting aside time to individually call everyone on the team.”
“ABC should know why I’m offended and why they should apologize to me profusely if they ever hope to be spoken to again.”
And often people don’t know. Aren’t skilled. Aren’t thinking about others. Can’t see past their own frenzied world of to-dos, assignments, calls, meetings, relationships, and circumstances.
This is not about finger pointing. It’s about recognizing that communication isn’t happening where it’s supposed to be happening.
Those who are disempowered or are wondering why things are being done a certain way when they could be done another way need to speak up.
Those who are assuming knowledge, or knowhow, or specific actions need to speak up, ask whether everyone knows what they’re doing, and if not, provide opportunities for training.
No matter what it is, you need to speak up.
Never hold onto expectations. Either share them or surrender them entirely. Otherwise, you’re premeditating resentment. You’re thinking about all the ways you’ll be mad when someone doesn’t pass a test, they were never given the study material for.
What do you feel like is missing in your life?
What are you trying to get right now?
What is something that keeps you up at night?
It’s all right there for you, isn’t it? You probably don’t even need to think about it.
It’s only human nature, but we tend to give these areas of our lives undue attention. And sadly, focusing on them tends not to make the situation any better.
Whether you want to lose weight, get into a relationship, or succeed in business, your excessive focus on getting what you want only seems to push it further away.
Focusing on what you don’t have only attracts more of not having.
Does that mean we should not be in action?
No, but it would be wise to focus on the action itself – not on the results you’re trying to produce.
It means releasing, letting go, and surrendering outcomes and instead being in the present moment.
I’ve seen results in my life when I’ve stopped obsessing over something that I’ve put a lot of effort and time into, without much headway.
What could you release?
Where could you let go?
How would it feel to surrender?
What you desire could be on the other side of full acceptance.
Yesterday, I introduced the topic of Life Transitions and shared a little bit about some of the biggest transitions I’ve gone through.
Today, we’re going to be looking at resistance. Resistance is what precedes most if not all transitions.
Most transitions are uncomfortable to lesser or greater degrees. It’s no wonder we might feel resistant to change. Change that we may perceive as unwelcome or unwanted.
Here’s what we need to know about resistance to navigate the changes in our lives powerfully.
Resistance is Normal
Change can be unpleasant. So, it’s perfectly normal to feel some resistance.
The tendency, though, is to add fuel to the fire. Focus on the negative by piling on more negative.
We do this by complaining to our family, our spouses, and our friends. We do this by replaying the event in our minds over and over (e.g. the moment our boss told us they’d no longer be requiring our services).
Transitions can oftentimes be easier if we can simply say, “well, that sucked” and begin to focus on the future instead of on what has already happened and what can’t be changed.
By no means am I saying this is easy. But oftentimes there are better opportunities on the other side of transition, and many people say they feel a sense of relief when change occurs. They said they felt relieved of not having to go back to a job, a relationship, a team, or otherwise.
If relief is what you’re feeling, then follow that emotion. Because it’s probably telling you something.
Resistance Can Carry Important Messages
Let’s say, for instance, you’ve been at a job for 10 years. Things were great up until year nine. But for some reason, in year 10, you started to dread going to work.
You always saw yourself in the career you’re in, and you loved it. You planned out your entire future and career path to advancement.
But now, for some inexplicable reason, you can’t even motivate yourself to get up to go to work anymore.
Now, sometimes all this means is you need to step away for a while, maybe take a vacation. Do something else and recharge your batteries.
But it can also mean that the job is no longer your highest calling. There could be something better waiting for you. Something that challenges and expands you instead of leaving you feeling like you’re living Groundhog Day over and over.
Resistance can carry critical messages. These messages aren’t always accurate, and typically need to be put to the test (you can ask trusted friends, family, mentors, coaches, and so on).
But this also comes with the warning that you can’t outsource your life to others. You must make decisions that resonate with you and are aligned with your values.
It’s Often a Sign to “Let Go”
Surrendering is a bit of an art form, and generally it’s easy to say and harder to implement.
What’s important to recognize is that resistance builds up within ourselves. It can’t be found in another person, event, or circumstance, though we might be quick to place blame.
Your resistance is your own to deal with.
When something isn’t going our way, prevailing wisdom says, “try harder”, or “keep going”, or “don’t give up.”
And the very act of trying harder, persisting, and doing things in a “more, better, different” way leads to no breakthrough whatsoever.
And by “more, better, different” I mean doing more of something, doing it better, or doing it differently. There’s little to no access to breakthrough in these actions (likely, you can reflect on your own life and see examples at work). Incremental progress, perhaps, but no breakthrough.
So, unless we want resistance to spiral out of control and make our situations even more uncomfortable, the best thing to do is let go. Allow. Things might even change for the positive all on their own when you surrender.
The late Dr. Wayne Dyer said:
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Move into a space of trusting and allowing. Move into a space of surrender. Notice how the things you look at begin to change.
It’s Not Bad or Wrong
Because resistance is uncomfortable, the temptation is to make it bad or wrong.
Resistance is just letting you know that change is inevitable. That change may be within yourself. Changing your attitude or the way you think about your current situation could be an elegant solution to a seemingly impossible situation.
Sometimes transitions are more expansive. They can look and feel like complete upheaval.
If there’s one thing we can count on in this world, it’s change. There are few things we can count on with greater certainty than change.
This can take some time to accept. Because we get used to things as they are and expect that they will never change – even though this is an unreasonable request and an impossible one for the universe to fulfill on.
As I look back on every major commitment I’ve made, the commitment was always met with a challenge. It showed up in relationships, in health, in business, and other unexpected places.
And many of those challenges were difficult. They even appeared insurmountable at times.
But on the other side of those challenges was always something beautiful. Something amazing. Something heartfelt, encouraging, miraculous, or some variation thereof.
So, resistance is not bad or wrong. Because something is trying to emerge, and we are better served allowing that thing to emerge instead of resisting it. Can you see how that ball of resistance can quickly snowball if we add to it?
Resistance, Final Thoughts
Life throws all manner of curve-balls our way and there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong answer for every situation.
But if you understand what resistance is and can recognize it in your life, you can deal with it consciously, and therefore, powerfully.
How do you deal with resistance? What has been your greatest challenge connected to it?
I look forward to sharing more on Life Transitions and am always happy to answer questions or cover topics you’d like to learn more about.
Simply let me know in the comments!
Shh… Don’t tell anyone. Only the cool kids are talking about it.
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