The weekend was eventful, at least to the extent that documenting the experience day to day would have been impractical.
It has been a couple of days since my last update, so, let me get you caught up.
The Universe is the Very Expression of Love
This is what came to me in my sleep the other night. I can’t think of the exact words or even the extent or depth of the revelation. What I discovered is that the Universe’s only expression is love. As much as we like to entertain the notion that we are living in duality, the Universe does not know anything other than love.
How to apply this? I don’t know. But if we can accept that everything that’s happening is happening for us, we’ll move into alignment with the love that’s ever-present.
I started this experiment with the intention of loving (myself, my past, others, and God) and found the ultimate source of love, which is beyond compare.
A Good Shove
Like a professional basketball player who just finished rehab and is reluctant to return to the court, I’ve been reluctant to embrace social outings again.
But I went to the acknowledgment party for my leadership program Saturday night, and though I thought it would only make me feel worse, it made me feel better. I ended up becoming the life of the party, without ever trying to.
Some people also had timely messages for me.
On Sunday, I followed through on the short film festival I was planning to attend. For the first time in a while, I felt good about going out. I arrived at the venue early (before the doors opened), and even found the perfect parking spot without effort.
As more and more people started showing up at the venue, I felt as though I would be swallowed up in the energy, but I managed to tune it out. As the films started playing, I felt a little overstimulated at first, but the feelings were mostly temporary and nowhere near as bad as they once were.
I was introduced to one film director and ended up meeting another. The friend that I joined for the evening also told me he might be able to use some of my music in his current project.
Other opportunities kept showing up as well – potential clients, opportunities to promote a forthcoming product, networking opportunities, and more.
I am very grateful for the community right now.
The Tapping Solution
I woke up feeling “just okay.” I was pretty sure that the social outings from the weekend had tired me out. So, after feeding the dog, I decided to meditate. My meditation was interrupted by a phone call, but I still got about 20 minutes in.
I still wasn’t feeling that much better. So, I turned to tapping again.
My TFT efforts have mostly been limited to tapping sequences for depression. Today I tried a sequence for anxiety and was blown away by the results. I felt better almost instantaneously, and I even got my energy back. This is what I’d heard TFT could offer, but I almost couldn’t believe it when it happened to me.
I had a slightly better sleep last night compared to the nights before. I still felt a little off when it was finally time to get up, though, and my morning meditation was “just okay.” It got interrupted because I needed to take a bio break.
Still, I’m taking steps in a productive direction, and I’m starting to feel a bit better.
Here’s what else showed up for me today:
In a weird sort of way, life has become about the checklist. This list does not exist anywhere, except in my mind. And its only purpose is to let me know that I’ve made it through another part of my day. As I continue to go through the day without incident, ticking off completed items, I feel more assured that I will be okay.
It looks something like this:
❏ Drink my lemon juice and take my supplements
❏ Walk the dog
❏ Feed the dog
❏ Make and drink my smoothie
❏ Put oatmeal in my pressure cooker
❏ Write a blog post
❏ And so on
I guess it’s a bit like segment intending when I stop to think about it. I am told it’s a healthy thing to have small goals for the day when you’re feeling depressed, as tempting as it might be to do nothing.
Meditation – The New Addiction
If I’m feeling out of sorts, I lean on meditation. I currently meditate at least once per day, if not two or three times per day, usually for 20 to 50 minutes.
I have found it to be incredibly effective in helping me get back to “neutral,” and even into a more positive state where nothing feels off or wrong. I will often exit meditations feeling as though I’m an entirely new person, as though my past never happened.
If work or meetings or life in general has left me feeling a little stressed or off-kilter, then meditation is my go-to. It’s my new addiction, and it has replaced other, less healthy behaviors.
I Need Meat
Not to put too fine a point on it, but with all the cleansing, supplementing, and healthy eating I’ve been doing lately, I’ve noticed that I’ve been eating less meat.
It wasn’t all intentional. Sometimes I’d forget to go to the meat market. Some days I just wanted to stay in bed.
But after making and devouring a couple of burgers today, I can say with confidence that eating meat boosted my morale. The difference was tangible enough that I noticed it within minutes if not seconds of eating.
I’m going to continue to stick to the lemon water, supplements, smoothie, and oatmeal routine for the first part of the day. But after that, I’m not going to be depriving myself. I need meat, and any B12 supplements I’ve taken so far can’t keep up.
I have a conversation with the year two team leader of the leadership program tomorrow, regarding my recent discoveries and current state. I’m interested to see what comes of this.
I would not say that today was completely uneventful, but it turned out quite a bit differently than expected.
Here’s a short summary:
Last night, I had the most wonderful meditation session but not the best sleep. I got the day started early because I knew I would need to walk the dog, and I had high hopes of it being a productive day.
Well, I ran an errand, attended a few meetings, and even got a couple of blog posts started, but after lunch, I crashed hard and ended up spending most of the rest of the day resting.
I probably still need a lot of rest on the path of recovery. It’s at least starting to feel that way.
I met a couple of friends for lunch. This was rather spontaneous and while I’m still not entirely in the mood to entertain a lot of comings and goings, I think it ended up adding some life to my day.
In my leadership program, it was announced today that there would be the opportunity to participate in the acknowledgment party online, in person in Victoria, and in person in Vancouver.
Just for reference, I checked to see how close the address for the Vancouver location was, and it turns out it’s a mere one-minute away by car and four minutes away by foot.
The woman hosting it happens to be someone I’ve coached in the program. When I told her that I was a mere minute away, she called me up, excited to chat about putting together a business plan, podcast, and so on.
I don’t think of this as a coincidence myself but think what you will.
Love is at the heart of this experiment. Have I gotten away from it? I feel like I need to remind myself, because more than anything, this is not an experiment of doing as much as it is an experiment of being.
I am discovering that, in my current condition, working late is not ideal. I worked until after 2:30 AM last night, woke up much too early this morning, and mediated twice to try to compensate for the exhaustion and lack of enthusiasm I knew I would feel.
I’m no stranger to working late on a Thursday night, as I usually have several deadlines to meet. But I have been far more efficient as of late, which has helped curtail these occurrences.
Unfortunately, that’s not how things went this week. I became distracted by editing one of my forthcoming books, to the point where it was cutting into time allocated to pending deadlines.
For the most part, I don’t regret it because working on the book proved surprisingly therapeutic. And I think I need to continue to find projects that I can get lost in. It feels as though it’s one of the healthiest things I can do right now.
Here’s what else I’ve been discovering:
If you remember, loving myself, others, and the Universe is the primary goal of this experiment.
I have been very intentional about sending my past self love during my meditation time. As others come to mind, especially those I need to forgive, I send them love as well.
In some ways, however, I feel as though I might be discovering what “love” is for the first time. This isn’t to say I have not experienced love. It’s not even to say I have some deep-seated wounds from my past that need to be healed to be able to love (though I’m certain I do, and I think the healing has been a part of my dark night of the soul journey in the last few weeks).
It’s more so that I’m not sure I’ve allowed myself to love freely in a long time. I know for sure it hasn’t been a focus of mine through the pandemic years. On the contrary, I got tired of hearing about self-love, and the rather trite expression “love is the answer.” It felt weak to me.
But recent events have brought me to my knees. So, I cast aside my pride, and I came to the point of being willing to rediscover love and spirituality more broadly.
I have been spending the last few weeks isolating a lot. In some ways, this is nothing new. Much of the creative work I do requires that I spend a lot of time alone.
The difference is that where I felt comfortable dropping what I was doing to go run errands before, I’ve been feeling a little shaky in public as of late. Being outside feels overwhelming, and I don’t feel like going out much of the time.
As I write this, I’m beginning to recognize that this burnout is very much of the same kind I experienced before leaving for Japan in 2017. I didn’t think I was feeling overwhelmed this time, and now I’m noticing that I am.
Which tells me that I may need to disconnect from everything for a couple of weeks sometime soon.
Either way, I know that this time will pass. I will not feel like isolating forever. Sometimes, I think it’s a necessary part of one’s spiritual journey. And what I can say about my spiritual journey in the last few weeks is that I have been leaning into it as I haven’t in a long time, if ever.
I am remaining very aware of my inputs and so far, I have stuck to content that inspires, uplifts, or informs 99% of the time. I’m finding it’s much harder to choose good input when you’re feeling tired, anxious, or bored, but I remain vigilant on this front, even today.
A couple of years ago, I was asked what my daily routine was like.
And things have changed quite a bit since January 2021! Sometimes I can’t keep track of all the amazing things in my life that happen in a week let alone three years.
So, it feels as good a time as any to offer an update on how I’m spending my time. Let’s get to it!
8:40 AM: Meditation
This is more an ideal than reality right now, but meditation is in my schedule first thing in the morning. Some days I keep to it, most days I don’t. More likely I’m at 7-Eleven buying an energy drink.
9:00 AM – 11:45 AM: Writing & Content Work
Not much has changed here.
I do have the occasional call or meeting during these hours, but certainly not on a Monday.
As much as possible, I use these hours for focused work, usually client work.
11:45 AM: Workout
I keep to this routine three to four times per week.
Two days are dedicated to cardio/full body, two days are dedicated to weightlifting/strength training.
12:15 PM: Committed Colleague Call
I check in with my Committed Colleague four to five times per week, sometimes for 15 minutes, but it often goes longer.
We share breakdowns and breakthroughs, what we’re out to accomplish that day, and create a possibility for the day.
12:30 – 1:30 PM: Lunch
There’s some extra margin built into my schedule as my call with my Committed Colleague may go long. If the call is short, I can shower and get lunch during this time. Otherwise, just lunch.
1:30 – 5:30 PM: Writing & Content Work
I will usually wrap up client assignments during this time block, and begin working on my next blog post, podcast episode, book, presentation, or course.
5:30 PM: Meeting
On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I have a half hour meeting beginning at 5:30 PM.
There typically aren’t any meetings on Monday, Thursday, or Friday during this time, but I may have a coaching call.
I also have a monthly meeting on Monday from 4:45 to 6:00 PM.
6:00 PM: Supper
A big man has got to eat, you know! 😉
6:30 PM – 9 PM: Writing, Meeting, or Training Session
On Monday, it’s typical that I’ll still be writing during these hours.
On Tuesday, I’m usually training program participants.
On a Wednesday, I have a team meeting.
On a Thursday, I’ll be writing.
Twice per month on Fridays, I have meetings lasting from 7:00 to 9:45 PM. Most other Fridays I have a one-hour meeting from 7:00 to 8:00 PM, so on those occasions, outside of meeting time, I’m also writing.
I get to relax for the most part! I’ve earned it.
Nowadays, I often go for drives, walk along the beach, find something to eat, maybe smoke the occasional cigar…
I’m looking at adding fishing into the equation.
Did I ever expect to be writing, coaching, training, and spending as much time as I am in calls and meetings as I am today?
But writing and communication are my access to all wealth.
Coaching and training are my access to fulfillment.
Calls and meetings are my access to community and connection.
Everything one could hope for or want is in my life. It’s abundant. And I’m grateful.