Average People Argue Over Stupid Sh*t That Will NEVER Matter

Average People Argue Over Stupid Sh*t That Will NEVER Matter

Let’s face it – most of us feel justified in our opinions and beliefs, faulty or not.

We worry more about being right than in preserving the integrity of a relationship.

We’re quick to point out the speck in another’s eye, not noticing the plank lodged in our own.

Which can only mean one thing – we value our rightness over the quality of our relationships. This is reflected in our actions.

If we want to create amazing relationships, first, we need to drop our need to be right about everything.

“They’re the Ones Doing it Wrong”

Our obsession with right and wrong is misplaced. We often fail to recognize that our thoughts or feelings are a value or qualitative judgment, not an objective reality.

We see someone eating a McDonald’s burger for lunch, and say, that’s “wrong.”

No, it’s not wrong. It may not be the healthiest choice. It may not be made of the freshest, high-quality ingredients available. But it’s a valid choice, given that McDonald’s locations are everywhere, and as a culture, we’ve embraced it.

You may not value McDonald’s or making unhealthy choices in general. But that doesn’t make the choice “wrong.”

The reason you feel so guilty when you fail to live up to your own standards, is because you’ve labelled something “wrong” in the first place. This implies that in every situation there’s always a right and a wrong, and that restricts you to a set of actions and behaviors that will either leave you feeling like a Rockstar or a complete loser.

You set your own rules in life, and if you’re not doing this consciously, you’re setting yourself up to lose more often than you care to admit.

Whenever you are triggered, the offense lies with you, not with another. You allowed someone else’s words or actions dictate your mood or emotions. You gave your power over to them.

Your Resentments Are Yours

Your resentments are your own. You cannot, and should not, hold anyone else responsible for the offense you’ve felt.

What most of us do is try to pin someone else’s words or actions to their character, when all this amounts to is confirmation bias. You saw someone in a specific situation act consistently in a certain way several times, so you assume that this is who they are. You’ve got these habits tied to their identity, so you resort to attacking their identity as well.

But who among us can say we’ve never misspoken? Who among us can say we’ve always chosen the best course of action? No one.

Yes, one’s character reflects the words and actions they’ve chosen consistently over time, but that doesn’t automatically make someone a certain way, rigid and inflexible.

People do change and are typically wildly inconsistent unless especially disciplined or presented with a set of circumstances that forces them to be.

Moreover, if someone consistently chooses a specific action in a specific circumstance, who’s to say they aren’t making the choice they want to make? Who’s to say they aren’t making the best choice they know to make? Who’s to say their choice is “wrong?”

We assume too much and ask too little. We judge too much and listen too little. We attack too much and praise too little.

If you want to see someone rise to new levels, talk about the amazing potential and future you see for them, not the “flaws” you wish they would correct.

Unexpressed Expectations Are Premeditated Resentment

Resentment builds up because we refuse to cause completion in our lives.

We refuse to cause completion in our lives because we were never taught how and don’t have the skills necessary to do it in a way that respects and honors others. So, it feels too risky. Too scary. Too confrontational.

Again, your resentment is your own. You must take ownership of your own feelings if you want to come out of an argument better off. If you care about the integrity of the relationship, you won’t argue to be right, you will argue for actions and structures that make the relationship better.

Don’t hold onto unexpressed expectations. Expectations not expressed quickly turn into resentment. How do you know your expectations are unexpressed? The words never left your mouth.

When you’re looking to cause completion, don’t accuse another of something that offended you. Instead say, “When you said X, it made me feel Y, and I take ownership for making Y mean Z.”

If you can say this and mean it, you’ll have successfully put the onus on yourself instead of outsourcing your emotional responsibility to another. Remember – your emotions are not their responsibility. Offense originated with you.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (& it’s All Small Stuff)

What good does it do to argue over things that are of little consequence?

Most people feel entitled, and even qualified to point out another’s flaw. This doesn’t just leave them blind to their own shortcomings – it’s also another way of shirking responsibility. If you’re seeing something in another person, and it annoys you, the truth is, it’s something that annoys you about yourself too.

Can you honestly say that arguing over who picked up the bill, who farted, or who went digging for gold in their nose is going to make one bit of difference a year from now?

I can assure you it won’t, but this is exactly the type of hollow sh*t people argue endlessly over.

People sometimes call me “passive,” but the truth is I’ve learned to let go of things I know won’t make one iota of difference a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade from now.

Picking my battles means putting my energies toward things that will move the needle in my life:

  • My spirituality
  • My health
  • My business, investments, and financial wellbeing
  • My family
  • My friendships
  • My relationship

These things are worth giving 100% to. Whether or not someone cut me off on the road today will be quickly forgotten and will not matter one bit in day, let alone a few hours.

I will have more of myself to give to the things that matter if I don’t spend so much time and energy on petty nonsense that doesn’t enrich my life.

Final Thoughts

We’ve all argued over stupid sh*t. It would be silly to think we haven’t.

The trick is to pick your battles. Fight for the things that matter to you in life. Not for the privilege of being right.

Think of it this way – the more you insist on being right, the more you’re probably hurting others and your relationship to them.

Ask yourself:

  • What are you willing to drop or give up?
  • Are you taking ownership of your own offense and resentment?
  • Do you have the skills necessary to cause completion in your life instead of carrying unnecessary baggage for years and decades?
  • What is worth fighting for in your life?

Thanks for reading, champ!

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074 – Are You Still in The Fight? Part 2

If you want to win, you must be in the fight. But you can’t be willy-nilly about that decision, or you’ll just get crushed. So, are you still in the fight?

In this episode of The New Music Industry Podcast, I talk about how to determine if you’re still doing everything in your power to move your career forward.

Podcast Highlights:

  • 00:13 – It can be easy to become complacent in your career efforts
  • 00:41 – Getting back in the fight
  • 01:17 – How to figure out if you’re still in the fight
  • 01:21 – Are you still hungry?
  • 02:31 – Look at your schedule and make an honest assessment of your priorities
  • 03:56 – Assess your spending habits
  • 05:08 – Summary

Transcription:

I recently shared about how easy it can be to become complacent in your pursuits as a musician or entrepreneur.

No sooner did I publish that podcast episode when suddenly I realized I had more to say on the subject.

If we want to keep growing, we need to keep learning. When we become too comfortable in what we know and what we’ve accomplished, we become less teachable. As result, we’re less likely to learn from our mistakes. We’re less likely to keep doing the things that got us ahead in the first place.

Getting back in the fight means returning to those core fundamentals and doing the right things to stimulate growth. As we generate value, it returns to us multiplied. We don’t get to choose how or when that happens. But if we keep adding value to those around us, we will reap a harvest at the appropriate time.

Staying in the fight means doing the right things to stimulate growth in your life. Share on X

You may still be in the fight, and if you are, good for you. Keep going!

But if you’re not sure if you’re fully committed to your goals and dreams yet, or you feel like you may have gotten off track in some way, you’ll want to consider whether you’re still in the fight. Here are…

3 Simple Ways to Evaluate Whether You’re Still in The Fight

1. Determine Whether You’re Hungry

When I say “hungry”, I’m not asking whether you’re feeling hunger pangs in your stomach, as much as that can be a strong motivator.

I’m asking if you still have the desire to learn and grow.

When you’re hungry for knowledge, you will go to any length to learn what you need to know to make progress in your career and life. Nothing will stop you on that path.

When you’re hungry for knowledge, you will go to any length to learn what you need to know to make progress in your career and life. Nothing will stop you on that path. Share on X

If you aren’t all-in, your desire to learn and grow may be smaller than your desire for comfort. So, you won’t risk yourself as much. You may still put time and effort into your learning, but you won’t go the extra mile as a person who’s hungry for growth would.

So, if you’re seeing possibilities and opportunities ahead, and you aren’t taking proactive steps to move in their direction, you probably aren’t hungry.

Unfortunately, in my experience, it’s impossible to make yourself hungry. Until you feel the tension between where you are and where you want to be, you may have no desire to change. The good news is if you’re surrounded by people who want to see you succeed, you will likely feel the urge to make forward progress in due time, especially as you watch as others take their careers to greater heights.

2. Look At Your Schedule From The Past Month

Make an honest assessment of your priorities based on what you did this past month.

Actions speak louder than words. I would even go so far as to say actions reveal a person’s motives more readily than their words.

Actions speak louder than words. I would even go so far as to say actions reveal a person’s motives more readily than their words. Share on X

There is no one truly mysterious in this world, because you can learn exactly what they’re about just by watching what they do. Quiet, vague, or private people are relatively easy to figure out if you spend enough time around them.

But let’s get back to the subject of you, because that’s what we’re talking about right now.

What does your schedule say about the reality of who you are, versus the ideal you see in your mind’s eye?

Were you watching Netflix when you should have been writing music? Did you get distracted by Facebook when you should have been sending emails to promoters, event organizers, and venue owners? Did you go out with your friends when you know you should have booked one more rehearsal before an important gig?

It’s understandable that you might take the occasional break or lose your focus here and there, but you’re simply not in the fight if you haven’t been taking the steps necessary to get to where you want to go. You’re not fully engaged if you’ve only been doing a little here and there and poking at your projects instead of staying consistent and doing something daily to achieve your goals.

If you’re in the fight, your schedule will reflect this fact.

3. Assess Your Spending Habits

In addition to your schedule, how you spend your money will also reveal your priorities, sometimes in unexpected ways.

How you spend your money will also reveal your priorities, sometimes in unexpected ways. Share on X

If you’re serious about your growth, your money should be going towards books, audio or video programs, courses, conferences and events, magazine subscriptions, membership dues, and so forth.

If you’re serious about your music career, you should be investing into your music, merch, and marketing.

But is this where your money is going?

How much are you spending on eating out, movies, video games, and other forms of entertainment? How much of your money is going towards home or car loans, credit cards, and other forms of debt?

Your money says something about the standard of living you desire as well. It’s easy to find people living beyond their means, because they are unwilling to delay gratification or sacrifice short-term for something they want now.

I’m not suggesting that if you’re in the fight, all your money is going into your personal or career growth. But there’s a good chance you are comfortable with the idea of investing in yourself, and you’re proactively looking for opportunities to do so.

Carefully evaluate your spending habits, and you will soon see whether you’re spending is in alignment with where you see yourself headed in your career.

Conclusion

If you want to find out whether you’re still in the fight, you have but to consider three things.

First, your strong desire for knowledge and growth will cause you to actively seek out resources and mentors that can help you make progress in your career.

Second, your actions will be aligned with your goals. You will have wasted little time on trivial activity. You will have set your priorities intentionally and built your schedule around actions that benefit you.

Third, your money will have gone towards products and services that support your goals and desire for growth. You will have wasted little money on nonessentials.

If you aren’t in the fight right now, it’s never too late to get back in the ring for another round. So long as your heart’s still beating, you can take as long as you like, and get back in as many times as you wish.

If you’re in the fight, rest assured growth will happen. All you have to do is stay the course!

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072 – Are You Still in The Fight?

It has often been said that nothing worth having comes without a fight. Many opportunities come into our lives because the time and effort we put into pursuing our goals and dreams.

Are you making progress in your career at the rate you hoped you would be? Does your schedule reflect this? Does your spending reflect it?

Podcast Highlights:

  • 00:14 – The dangers of comfort
  • 01:23 – Am I still in the fight?
  • 02:23 – My 2018 goals may require a different kind of commitment
  • 02:35 – Evaluating how you’re doing
  • 03:14 – Are you still in the fight?

Transcription:

At some point in your career, you will reach a level of comfort. You won’t have achieved everything you’ve ever wanted, but because you’re in a much better position than you were when you started, you’ll begin to rest on your laurels even if only a little bit.

I bring this up because I’ve been guilty of getting too comfortable as well, especially in the last five months or so. There are a couple of things that shook up my life in 2017, especially during the summer. My quality of life and outlook has changed considerably as a result of these events, because I have a bit of a social life now, I’ve been investing in my health, and I’ve also been taking breaks. So, all in all, these are positive changes.

This year, not only did I leave town for a week, I also went overseas for two weeks. This was as planned, and I don’t regret taking time off, because I really needed it. But as I continue to chip away at my to-do list and evaluate my progress, in some ways I feel like I’ve been slipping a little. I must give myself some grace, because I was in full-out burnout mode before going to Japan. Since getting back, I’ve caught up with a lot of projects, and I’ve spent more time on things I care about.

But I still must ask myself one important question – am I still in the fight? Am I writing as many blog post as I could be? Am I publishing as many podcast episodes as I could be? When will I finish my next book? Could I be publishing more eBooks, courses, and books? Could I be coaching more people to reach their goals?  Am I writing, recording, and releasing music at the rate I want to be? Could I be playing more solo shows?

Am I investing in myself? Am I reading books, listening to podcasts, taking courses, and going to relevant conferences and events? If I am, am I doing enough of those things?

Am I engaged in everything I’ve committed myself to? Am I spending sufficient time on these projects, or am I just getting by? Am I spending enough time with the people I care about? Am I communicating with them? Am I fighting for relationship? Am I practicing generosity? How does my financial and business life look? What is the outlook like for my future?

As I looked at 2018 and the things I want to accomplish, I recognize my goals may require a different kind of commitment on my part. I may need to form a new routine and begin orienting my life around it. As you look to accomplish big things with your music or career in 2018, you may also want to ask yourself if you’re still in the fight. You may want to ask yourself many of the questions I just asked myself.

If you’re in the fight, you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to reach your goals, but if you aren’t fully in the fight or at least to the extent you used to be, you may find yourself cutting corners, accomplishing less, not spending your time where it should be spent, and so on.

You may not be outside of the game, but you aren’t fully in it if you aren’t fighting. If you aren’t fully in it, your work ethic, productivity, and focus will suffer. So, I want you to ask yourself: If you aren’t fully in the fight right now, when will you be? Will you recommit to your success? Will you push yourself to new heights in the New Year? Will you stick to your goals and see your dreams become a reality?

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