Unspoken Expectations are Premeditated Resentments
No matter the context – relationships, personal development programs, or businesses – we all feel there are certain things that are supposed to happen in certain situations. And we’re disappointed when they don’t.
But no one knows what’s going on with another, especially when there is no communication.
Some of us are busy feeling underappreciated. Some of us are waiting for the breakthrough we’re supposed to be having, getting frustrated that it’s not showing up. Some of us are feeling like we’re missing the training we require to be effective in the role we were given.
Western culture owes a great deal to assumption. We assume people know. We assume people are competent. We assume people have the same capacity or ability or skills we have.
“They’ll do fine,” we say.
And we’re surprised to find our significant others, peers, collaborators, or partners consistently missing the target when we haven’t even generated the dartboard.
“XYZ should be setting aside time to individually call everyone on the team.”
“ABC should know why I’m offended and why they should apologize to me profusely if they ever hope to be spoken to again.”
And often people don’t know. Aren’t skilled. Aren’t thinking about others. Can’t see past their own frenzied world of to-dos, assignments, calls, meetings, relationships, and circumstances.
This is not about finger pointing. It’s about recognizing that communication isn’t happening where it’s supposed to be happening.
Those who are disempowered or are wondering why things are being done a certain way when they could be done another way need to speak up.
Those who are assuming knowledge, or knowhow, or specific actions need to speak up, ask whether everyone knows what they’re doing, and if not, provide opportunities for training.
No matter what it is, you need to speak up.
Never hold onto expectations. Either share them or surrender them entirely. Otherwise, you’re premeditating resentment. You’re thinking about all the ways you’ll be mad when someone doesn’t pass a test, they were never given the study material for.
Never hold onto expectations. Either share them or surrender them entirely. Otherwise, you’re premeditating resentment. Click To Tweet
