Average People Argue Over Stupid Sh*t That Will NEVER Matter

Average People Argue Over Stupid Sh*t That Will NEVER Matter

Let’s face it – most of us feel justified in our opinions and beliefs, faulty or not.

We worry more about being right than in preserving the integrity of a relationship.

We’re quick to point out the speck in another’s eye, not noticing the plank lodged in our own.

Which can only mean one thing – we value our rightness over the quality of our relationships. This is reflected in our actions.

If we want to create amazing relationships, first, we need to drop our need to be right about everything.

“They’re the Ones Doing it Wrong”

Our obsession with right and wrong is misplaced. We often fail to recognize that our thoughts or feelings are a value or qualitative judgment, not an objective reality.

We see someone eating a McDonald’s burger for lunch, and say, that’s “wrong.”

No, it’s not wrong. It may not be the healthiest choice. It may not be made of the freshest, high-quality ingredients available. But it’s a valid choice, given that McDonald’s locations are everywhere, and as a culture, we’ve embraced it.

You may not value McDonald’s or making unhealthy choices in general. But that doesn’t make the choice “wrong.”

The reason you feel so guilty when you fail to live up to your own standards, is because you’ve labelled something “wrong” in the first place. This implies that in every situation there’s always a right and a wrong, and that restricts you to a set of actions and behaviors that will either leave you feeling like a Rockstar or a complete loser.

You set your own rules in life, and if you’re not doing this consciously, you’re setting yourself up to lose more often than you care to admit.

Whenever you are triggered, the offense lies with you, not with another. You allowed someone else’s words or actions dictate your mood or emotions. You gave your power over to them.

Your Resentments Are Yours

Your resentments are your own. You cannot, and should not, hold anyone else responsible for the offense you’ve felt.

What most of us do is try to pin someone else’s words or actions to their character, when all this amounts to is confirmation bias. You saw someone in a specific situation act consistently in a certain way several times, so you assume that this is who they are. You’ve got these habits tied to their identity, so you resort to attacking their identity as well.

But who among us can say we’ve never misspoken? Who among us can say we’ve always chosen the best course of action? No one.

Yes, one’s character reflects the words and actions they’ve chosen consistently over time, but that doesn’t automatically make someone a certain way, rigid and inflexible.

People do change and are typically wildly inconsistent unless especially disciplined or presented with a set of circumstances that forces them to be.

Moreover, if someone consistently chooses a specific action in a specific circumstance, who’s to say they aren’t making the choice they want to make? Who’s to say they aren’t making the best choice they know to make? Who’s to say their choice is “wrong?”

We assume too much and ask too little. We judge too much and listen too little. We attack too much and praise too little.

If you want to see someone rise to new levels, talk about the amazing potential and future you see for them, not the “flaws” you wish they would correct.

Unexpressed Expectations Are Premeditated Resentment

Resentment builds up because we refuse to cause completion in our lives.

We refuse to cause completion in our lives because we were never taught how and don’t have the skills necessary to do it in a way that respects and honors others. So, it feels too risky. Too scary. Too confrontational.

Again, your resentment is your own. You must take ownership of your own feelings if you want to come out of an argument better off. If you care about the integrity of the relationship, you won’t argue to be right, you will argue for actions and structures that make the relationship better.

Don’t hold onto unexpressed expectations. Expectations not expressed quickly turn into resentment. How do you know your expectations are unexpressed? The words never left your mouth.

When you’re looking to cause completion, don’t accuse another of something that offended you. Instead say, “When you said X, it made me feel Y, and I take ownership for making Y mean Z.”

If you can say this and mean it, you’ll have successfully put the onus on yourself instead of outsourcing your emotional responsibility to another. Remember – your emotions are not their responsibility. Offense originated with you.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (& it’s All Small Stuff)

What good does it do to argue over things that are of little consequence?

Most people feel entitled, and even qualified to point out another’s flaw. This doesn’t just leave them blind to their own shortcomings – it’s also another way of shirking responsibility. If you’re seeing something in another person, and it annoys you, the truth is, it’s something that annoys you about yourself too.

Can you honestly say that arguing over who picked up the bill, who farted, or who went digging for gold in their nose is going to make one bit of difference a year from now?

I can assure you it won’t, but this is exactly the type of hollow sh*t people argue endlessly over.

People sometimes call me “passive,” but the truth is I’ve learned to let go of things I know won’t make one iota of difference a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade from now.

Picking my battles means putting my energies toward things that will move the needle in my life:

  • My spirituality
  • My health
  • My business, investments, and financial wellbeing
  • My family
  • My friendships
  • My relationship

These things are worth giving 100% to. Whether or not someone cut me off on the road today will be quickly forgotten and will not matter one bit in day, let alone a few hours.

I will have more of myself to give to the things that matter if I don’t spend so much time and energy on petty nonsense that doesn’t enrich my life.

Final Thoughts

We’ve all argued over stupid sh*t. It would be silly to think we haven’t.

The trick is to pick your battles. Fight for the things that matter to you in life. Not for the privilege of being right.

Think of it this way – the more you insist on being right, the more you’re probably hurting others and your relationship to them.

Ask yourself:

  • What are you willing to drop or give up?
  • Are you taking ownership of your own offense and resentment?
  • Do you have the skills necessary to cause completion in your life instead of carrying unnecessary baggage for years and decades?
  • What is worth fighting for in your life?

Thanks for reading, champ!

For more inspiration, be sure to sign up for my email list.

033 – How to be Liked & Build a Better Reputation

Has your reputation been tarnished? Have you burned bridges without thinking twice? Are you trying to build or rebuild your standing?

In this episode of The New Music Industry Podcast, I discuss how you can create better relationships with others. These ideas will work whether you’re just starting to put yourself out there, or looking to restore broken relationships. Just remember – you must be patient with the rebuilding process. People won’t learn to trust you overnight.

Podcast Highlights:

  • 00:14 – Today’s topic, being liked
  • 00:24 – How to build a better reputation
  • 00:44 – Practicing conversational generosity
  • 01:09 – Active listening
  • 01:38 – Adding relevant value to people and personalizing communication
  • 03:09 – Smiling at people and being confident
  • 03:49 – Be dependable
  • 04:28 – Being dependable makes you endorsable
  • 04:49 – Avoid arguments
  • 05:57 – Read How to Win Friends and Influence People

Transcription:

Creating good relationships in the music industryHi there. Today I wanted to talk about being liked.

I’ve had some questions about reputation. Winning over people and then losing their trust. And I thought I would like to share some ideas on how you can build a better reputation for yourself, and possibly even restore and eliminate a bad reputation. As I’ve said before, this is difficult, but certainly not impossible. You can win people back and earn their trust once more.

Practicing Conversational Generosity

The first thing I wanted to talk about is straightforward. It’s something called conversational generosity. In other words, when you’re talking with others, letting them speak more, and asking more questions. When you ask people open-ended questions about themselves, more often than not they love to answer them and talk about themselves.

But you also need to practice active listening and make sure you’re listening to what they’re saying so you can ask relevant follow-up questions.

And as you practice conversational generosity, you might find people saying things like, “wow, this was a really great conversation” even though you did very little talking at all. Or, “thank you for listening.” That’s how you know you’re putting this principle into practice.

Adding Value to People

The second thing is adding value to people. So often, people will send me an email, reach out to me about possible guest post opportunities, business opportunities, partnerships, things of that nature. And not all of them are necessarily going to be beneficial. Some of them are a good fit, some them are not.

But when people are reaching out, some are very good at it, and have me in mind when they reach out. Many others, however, do not have me in mind. Sometimes their emails or messages aren’t even addressed to me. So, can I assume it’s not for me, or can I assume it’s a form letter? I think it’s a pretty safe bet.

Also, maybe the content of their message or email is all in favor of themselves. It’s beneficial to them and the goals they want to achieve, but not beneficial to me in any way.

So, if you’re reaching out to people and trying to communicate with them, you have to keep those two things in mind. First, you must address it personally to them, make it to relevant them, and then you also have to think about what’s in it for them. And only then will you be able to begin to add value to them. And as you add value to those people, you’ll see your relationships get better and thrive.

Adding value to people and relationships

As you add value to people, you'll see your relationships grow and thrive. Share on X

Communication is the cornerstone to all relationships, and without good communication, that relationship will not grow and thrive.

Smile More Often

The next point is to smile more often, especially if you’re going to something like a networking event. Smiling at people, shaking their hands, and again, putting those other things into practice. Practicing conversational generosity, asking about them, where they’re from, what they do, and adding value to them if you can. Connect them to other people, or send them an article that’s relevant to their industry. Or, if you know about a cool resource online, maybe a YouTube video or a website that you’ve come across that they would find helpful. Send it over to them. Smiling is huge. It projects a lot of confidence, and it also puts other people at ease.

Be Dependable & Reliable

Number four is to become more dependable and reliable. So, I would encourage you to show up to meetings on time. If you have a commitment, or you’ve promised your friend that you’re going to meet them at the movie theatre at eight, show up on time. And, if possible, show up early. This always gives people a positive impression about you that says you’re dependable. Taking responsibility for your commitments in life is key.

Taking responsibility for your commitments is key. Share on X

I’ve found that becoming a dependable person does make me more endorsable. Showing up on time and saying “yes” is a passing grade in school and in most jobs. If you want to excel, you need to go beyond just showing up on time and saying “yes” but it’s an excellent starting point. People want to know that you can be counted on, so don’t be flaky.

Avoid Arguments

Number five, this is very difficult – avoid arguments. You may disagree with many people, and their facts may be totally off, but resist the temptation to correct them in the moment. And don’t participate in arguments. Arguments, unfortunately, aren’t a win-win, they’re a lose-lose. It’s not good for either party.

So, if you have opposing views to what’s being said, keep it to yourself, and maybe dig deeper into why that person believes what they believe. Just ask questions like, “That’s interesting. That’s a very unique perspective. I’d love to learn more about it. So, why do you feel that way?” A question like that will tell you more about who that person is, what they represent, and what they believe. And that’s more beneficial to you, because you begin to understand them.

But it doesn’t mean that you’re going to have to work with them or collaborate with them in the future. You still must choose the right people to be in your life because you want supportive people and helpful people in your life, and to associate with them. I would encourage you also to treat everybody well.

Treat everybody well. Share on X

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Finally, I would encourage you to read the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People (affiliate link). And it sounds a little bit salesy, a little bit scammy almost, but it’s a great book. My friends in The Middle Coast band swear by it. I’ve read it two or three times and I highly recommend it also. It will teach you about how to improve all of your interactions and relationships.

Thank you so much for watching. Please leave a comment below and let me know how this video helped you. See you again soon.

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