In a video published yesterday, I shared that I’d spent over $100,000 on personal development:
Those numbers are quite conservative. As I thought about it, I realized I must be well beyond that figure at this point.
But I’ve noticed people like to call B.S. on this, so let me break it down for you. And I can’t emphasize this enough – all figures that follow are conservative!
Books & Kindles
I own roughly 300 personal development, leadership, marketing, entrepreneurship, and spiritual books, mostly paperbacks or hardcovers, some Kindles. Some books cost more, some cost less, and some were even gotten for free, but if I were to average it out, each book cost roughly $20.
300 titles x $20 = $6,000
Audiobooks & Audio Programs
I have not invested huge sums of money in audiobooks and audio programs, but I have spent some.
20 audiobooks x $20 = $400
4 audio programs x $40 = $160
Courses & Memberships
Courses and memberships (some of which came with personalized coaching) is one of the greatest costs I’ve incurred in growing myself. I don’t think of it as an expense so much as a necessity, mind you.
Fizzle (now ZenBusiness) – $720 (for a combined two years of membership)
James Schramko – $2,400 (for a combined two years of membership)
Landmark Worldwide – $5,450 (for seven courses or programs and three seminars)
I have also invested in some one-offs at Udemy and elsewhere, so the above should not be considered comprehensive.
Network Marketing
Everything in life can teach you something, and I learned a great deal about business in network marketing, where I ended up spending a good chunk of money. I can’t say I lost my shirt, but I also didn’t earn a lot of money in the business. Thus, a business education.
Products – $28,800
Training organization membership – $720
Training resources – $720
Communication tool – $720
Business Investments
Business investments also ended up teaching me a great deal about life and entrepreneurship and I would count them towards my personal growth.
Let’s remember – the above figures are conservative. I have not covered everything I’ve ever invested in to grow myself, and since I’ve been investing heavily into my growth since 2009, some of the above figures would look very different (much higher) in today’s money.
So, you want a successful music career. Or you want to build a business. Or you want to earn your financial freedom.
These are worthy and commendable goals and there’s a reason why we want them.
But it’s easy to make bad assumptions about what things will be like when you finally attain your goals.
Your assumption might be that things will get a lot easier when you finally reach your goals. You might think that income will be generated on autopilot, dog trainers will look after your dogs, and maids will ensure your house is always clean and pristine.
You may even get all those things.
But will it be easier when you get there?
If you have a larger bank account, you’ve got to learn to be more responsible with your financial resources, not less. Otherwise, your elevated lifestyle will catch up with you.
If you build a successful business, even if you manage to make yourself mostly irrelevant in the operations, you will still have executives, managers, and employees to oversee. You will need to keep an eye on your team to ensure things are done to specification and with integrity, for the company to maintain and grow (if that’s the goal).
If you have investments, you will need to check in with them periodically. If you have a successful artistic career, you will need to release new material and tour it. No matter the success, you will likely need to operate with increased vigilance and discipline, and on balance, you won’t be much happier than you are today, if at all.
A safer assumption, then, is that things won’t be any easier than they are today. If anything, you will have greater responsibility. You probably won’t be much happier. And you will still be busy, just with other things.
If you’re going to start with the end in mind, then become the kind of person that can take on and handle more today. Because there is a version of you that accomplished all the loftiest goals. That version of you, though, is an expanded version of you, not a diminished version.
Of the many reasons it prioritizes, desperation is categorically low on the totem pole.
A beggar may receive a few coins from those who feel sorry for him.
A family member or friend may decide to help you in critical circumstances.
But in both situations, there’s a reason money did not move more quickly to the person in need. Rarely does money respond to need alone, especially large sums of money.
When you’re desperate for money, does it seem to show up more easily or does it seem like there’s no flow at all?
She responded by saying:
When I am desperate for money, I notice more the space of “how long it’s not showing up.” Then I get discouraged, and sometimes I don’t feel like taking the actions to generate money. Generating money for me involves sending out email campaigns and creating offers to clients that already are visiting. The resistance gives me the experience of no flow.
Desperation is resistance. It will give you the experience of no flow.
If you fail to win over a client, no problem. There are eight billion people on the planet. It’s never a joyride to miss out on an opportunity, but if you learn from the experience and adapt your approach, there’s a better chance you will land the plane next time.
It isn’t necessarily easy to set aside desperation and think long-term. But whatever you give your attention to expands. So, it is in your best interest to set aside ingrained feelings about your standing in life and instead focus on the actions that will see you thrive. It may not happen a day, a week, or a month from now… but if you stick with the process, your life will transform.
Maybe the finances are tight. Maybe we failed to win over a client. Perhaps a conversation with the significant other didn’t go over so well.
But not everyone wants to do something about their circumstances. It’s okay if you don’t want to act. But the more honest you are about where you stand on the matter, the better.
If you don’t want to do anything about your situation, you should prepare to live with it. It is a perfectly acceptable path.
The problem arises when we’re confused about acting or not acting. If we’re confused, 1) we won’t do the things necessary to change our circumstances, and 2) the quality of our actions will be unsure, tentative, and ineffectual.
If our finances are tight, we could hope and pray for a solution. We could buy a lottery ticket. We could beg our friends for money.
All things being equal, it’s better to do something rather than nothing.
But I would not say that any of the above are quality actions, especially given they are not long-term solutions.
If you need to make some mistakes before seeking out better solutions, there is nothing wrong with that. But a person who is earnest about finding a solution will dedicate as much time as they possibly can to the problem, researching, studying, journaling, documenting, tracking, measuring, asking questions, getting into conversations, and seeking out coaching and mentors, until they’ve illuminated previously unseen blind spots.
Be honest with yourself – if you are doing anything less than that, can you honestly say you want to do something about your situation?
If you’re going to do something about your situation, don’t sit on the fence. Muster all the time, energy, and resources you can in overcoming the challenge. Even if you fail, your commitment will not be in vain. The Universe will move mountains on your behalf. But if you don’t begin, very little will happen.
Do you want to do something about it? Sit with that question and know your answer as a “yes” or “no,” not as a “maybe.” Only you can do this for you.
What they’re really looking for is predictability.
They wish their friends, family, and coaches would show up the same way every single time they encountered them. Because it would make them feel comfortable. Like life isn’t complete random chaos.
“Why rock the boat? Let’s go along to get along.”
These are statements of resignation and constraint, even though they may appear as statements of spiritual surrender.
People should be allowed to change their opinions and stances on matters, especially important ones. They should be allowed to adventure and explore more broadly, returning with new insights and gold nuggets to be enjoyed by all.
If they don’t come to new conclusions through their journeys, fine. But if they do, they shouldn’t be labeled inconsistent or hypocritical. If anything, they are demonstrating consistency in their pursuit of knowledge and in updating their coaching or training to offer their students the best value possible.
I evolve – my projects evolve.
I’m surprised to find so many people have trouble with this.
People have trouble taking responsibility. They don’t want to believe that they played any part in what has happened to them.
This resistance is understandable.
Who wants to believe that they had anything to do with getting sick, losing their dog, or their parent dying?
I certainly didn’t!
But I wanted to feel empowered, and my mentor was telling me that I needed to take responsibility for everything that had ever happened in my life. So, I tried it on.
Do you know what I discovered?
First, when I took responsibility for my life, I felt a sense of empowerment I never had before. Because now I could see that even if I didn’t have total control over life, I did have a say in it.
Human beings like to make everything mean something, even when there is no definitive, objective meaning behind it.
I realized that I could make things mean what I wanted them to mean. I didn’t need to insert myself as a victim into every picture. I could choose the picture and the framing!
Second, taking responsibility gave me access. I saw that I could do something about my circumstances.
Again, what happened wasn’t my fault. But I had to take responsibility for what I did with it.
Miraculously, actions took the place of helplessness and victimhood.
If I wanted to learn something, I could read a book. If I wanted to work through a difficult time in my life, I could see a counselor. If I wanted to feel better about myself, I could get a haircut, drink smoothies, and work out.
Importantly, taking responsibility should give you new access. It should give way to vantage points you’ve never visited before, and actions you’ve never taken before. That is the value of taking responsibility.
