There’s no value in a story never told. But there’s always value in stories shared, even if they only ever touch, move, or inspire one person.
Stories can be instructive, insightful, entertaining, educational, and more.
My story may never be told to large audiences. But if some aspect of it resonates with a few people, that’s more than enough. And if it can make their lives better, nothing could possibly make me happier.
I’m Putting What I Know into Practice
Author of Show Your Work! Austin Kleon suggests artists set up a website with a custom domain and blog every day about their creativity.
Author Seth Godin talks about showing up. And true to his word, he shows up daily. Publishing daily is not a decision for him (more on that later).
Marketer Russell Brunson claims publishing daily will solve all your business problems. I don’t know whether that’s true, but I do like the sound of it.
So, I’m putting something I know to do into practice. Because I’m an artist. And love creating. And I can’t imagine not creating.
I need a portal where I can share everything I create. That’s what this is.
I’m Documenting My Journey & Answering Questions
Hopefully, by documenting my journey and answering your questions, I’m adding value to you. That’s the idea, know it or not.
I can gather that you’re not going to read everything I publish. That’s a given.
But publishing daily gives me a presence. So, you’re less likely to forget about me completely.
And if I’ve added value to you, you’re likely to return for more.
It’s not strictly about building traffic or a following, though that might be a desirable byproduct of publishing daily.
It’s just a way of saying “this is what I’m doing – if you want to, you can do it too.”
I have a vague sense of my purpose in this world, and that’s to inspire people. But you can’t be inspiring without being inspirational. And that means showing up and doing the work.
Being prolific or not isn’t the point. Because I’ve written a few garbage stories since I started publishing daily.
It’s about being available. Being a source of information. Helping people see new possibilities.
These things are worth sharing. Not in a “look at me – I’m awesome” kind of way. Not even in a “buy all my stuff” kind of way. More in a “here’s something you might enjoy” kind of way.
Publishing Daily, Final Thoughts
Seth Godin often talks about the fact that certain aspects of his life are “not a decision.”
Each of us have limited willpower and it continually diminishes throughout the day. So, when he says it’s not a decision, he’s saying he doesn’t have to think about certain decisions in his daily life. He just goes and does what he’s chosen to do. This keeps his life optimized.
That’s why publishing daily is not a decision to me. I’m going to do it. And it might seem crazy, or irresponsible, or unreasonable, or unnecessary. The great news is I will enjoy myself either way! And I hope you will too.
Shh… Don’t tell anyone. Only the cool kids are talking about it.
But I know that we all get a little wrapped up in our own worlds, and don’t necessarily follow or even remember what others are up to. So, I thought I would address this issue head on.
Okay, so What’s the Deal?
The deal is yes, I’m still making music.
I’m not pumping it out like I’m pumping out blog posts right now (daily) and I’ll probably talk more about that tomorrow.
Either way, I continue to play quite a bit of guitar, and since moving to Abbotsford, I’ve been writing and preparing quite a bit of material.
A little something I was working on earlier this year.
And since June I’ve been working on a separate project (full album’s worth of material), some of which will see the light of day soon. Getting this project done is priority right now.
But All You Ever Talk About is Your Books
First and foremost, I’m quite proud of my books. And based on all the great feedback I’ve gotten I know they can make a big difference for music makers out there.
I’m not going to shut up about my books, and it’s not really a thing of how many sales I can get. It’s about how much of a dent in the universe I can make. It’s about how much of an impact I can make.
Maybe this wasn’t totally obvious either, so let me put it as clearly as I can: I’m also a musician coach, and have been for many, many years now! That’s why I created Music Entrepreneur HQ and all associated products. Not so that I could self-promote better, strange as that may sound.
But the reality is I talk about a lot more than just my books.
I realize I haven’t released anything since Spirit Searcher, Vol. 1. But I’m creating the possibility that 2021 will be a better year.
I could release a few remastered tracks, but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.
To top it all off, I’ve also got a substantial backlog of live performance videos to share. I haven’t nailed down a release schedule yet, but I thought you might like to know.
Final Thoughts
In closing, thank you for asking. No, I haven’t given up on music. Yes, I’m still working on quite a few things. And I look forward to sharing them with you.
I’m more heavily invested in doing things I love and enjoy versus trying to find commercial success. So, I might be a little all over the map in what I create (just as I have always been). But I’m having fun. And that counts for more than making huge sums of money.
I’m looking forward to sharing more with you.
Shh… Don’t tell anyone. Only the cool kids are talking about it.
Towards the beginning of November, I went on a two-week break.
Because I burned myself out at the top of September, resting and sleeping were my top priorities.
I also wanted to spend some time reading, journaling, and reflecting. I asked my mastermind and mentors for their thoughts as well.
While I was on break, I wanted to keep publishing daily. But I didn’t want to keep publishing on the music business. I wanted a break from that too.
So, I dreamed up the Life Transitions series. It’s something that came to me as I was driving between Abbotsford and Vernon. My thinking was also guided by the podcasts I was listening to on that journey.
Although I have certainly published on topics outside of music regardless, especially here on my personal blog, I needed to distance myself completely from my frustrations. And on some level, my frustrations were probably becoming apparent, because let’s face it – you can’t hide anything.
All that to say, thanks for indulging me.
I’m starting to home in on a publishing plan for my respective projects. I’m also looking more closely at how to integrate and make time for my various interests and passions each week.
Since I got into network marketing in 2011, I had always been taught to focus. And I couldn’t. Try as I might, it just didn’t work. I had both good moments and not so good moments, but inevitably I would revert to my old way of being. I’d keep generating new ideas, become excited about them, and end up wanting to pursue them.
Still, I always wondered what it would look like to be fully focused on one thing.
I guess I got a bit of a taste of that this year.
And all I can say is that I don’t think it’s in my DNA to have a singular focus. And even if it was in DNA, who’s to say I’d be any further along in any of my endeavors?
I think it’s even simpler than that. Others have certain gifts I don’t. I have certain gifts others don’t.
To paint either as right or wrong is to create a black and white world that simply doesn’t exist.
The fact that I have felt wrong for it, though, is on me. And I’m left to process that.
So, that’s what I mean when I say I’m refining my plan – my publishing plan, as well as my weekly plan.
Because I want the freedom of being able to work on a variety of projects. This is something I’ve done with or without deliberate intent anyway. So, maybe it’s true what one of my friends once said – “an elastic band always snaps back into place.”
But if any part of this series has caught your attention, please follow me. There’s always more where that came from.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed this series on life transitions. I hope it has helped you. I hope you’re starting to see how to handle difficult transitions, and how you can turn them into advantage, opportunity, or at the very least, become complete with them.
Completion is all you can ask for. And the good news is you can create it for yourself.
Whatever feeling you’ve been experiencing, whatever story has been going on in your head, it’s with you and no one else. This doesn’t mean you can’t have conversations with others to cause completion, because that may well be part of it!
But it does mean that you’re the only one responsible and capable of causing completion for yourself. Choose it and pursue it, especially if transitions have left you feeling beaten down. It’s worth the fight.
Thanks again for joining me and keep an eye out for a future series.
Shh… Don’t tell anyone. Only the cool kids are talking about it.
And death-related transitions occur when someone you know – typically a loved one – passes.
The “ultimate” transition is when you expire. And while I will give that some space a little later, it’s clearly a different kind of transition. One where “life” is no longer. Thus, it’s not a life transition at all.
An expiry related life transitions occurs when someone you know passes.
When your pet, friend, family member, or loved one expires, it’s normal to go through a range of reactions and emotions – shock, grief, numbness, sadness, anger, and more.
I don’t think there is a right or wrong in terms of how you react to, or how you process, death. Only, I do feel it’s important to feel whatever you’re feeling to the fullest without trying to numb and medicate it (more on that later).
Generally, in western cultures, when someone expires, we mourn. But in eastern cultures, it’s not unusual to celebrate.
Both are entirely valid ways of honoring a person or pet you dearly loved.
Although I’ve addressed this issue in an earlier story, some even say “I will never get over this.”
Death can be challenging to fathom. Maybe even impossible. Because it challenges the very thing we are – which is alive.
How to Handle Expiry Related Life Transitions
They say there are five stages of grief (which are 1) denial and isolation, 2) anger, 3) bargaining 4) depression, 5) acceptance), which can play out in any order, and move between one another.
Some say there are additional stages to grief. Some even say it’s a lifelong process.
Gaining an understanding of the various emotions you’re feeling as you’re feeling them is the most important part. Getting caught up in stages, or the “process” as it’s supposed to unfold, so far as I’m concerned, is less important.
And let’s be honest – grief doesn’t just rear its head when someone you know has passed. Sometimes, you can grieve over other events too, be it a breakup or the loss of a job.
What I find most useful is to sit with your emotions, allow them to play out, and to make it okay that you’re feeling whatever you’re feeling.
I have lost several friends and family members through the years – one of the most notable being my father.
And I know, all too well, the impact this had on my family. I felt it important to move forward, and though it was difficult, I began to find the strength to walk through a deep, dark valley of emotions to get to the other side.
But some of us never do. Because it’s too difficult. Too painful. And we don’t want to be reminded or to acknowledge what happened.
I don’t have easy answers. All I have are some thoughts.
Mourn Fully
If anyone has ever said to you “don’t cry”, or “be strong”, then they are robbing you of an important opportunity to grieve and to mourn fully.
What happens when you don’t mourn in the moment?
The energy gets stored in your body. And then it’s liable to arise in the least expected moments.
This isn’t to suggest you should force yourself to cry if you can’t cry. Don’t try to feel something if you’re feeling numb. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t react the same way others react.
So, the only thing to do is feel whatever it is you’re feeling fully. Instead of running from it, acknowledge it, and love it.
Because whatever you’re feeling can’t be found anywhere else. It can only be found in you. It’s not someone else’s to deal with. It’s your own.
Identify What You Have Yet to Process
Think about all the “I wish I would have said…” thoughts running around in your mind.
First, recognize that it’s not too late to express these thoughts. Because these thoughts are your own. They are not with the deceased. Which means there is always an opportunity to express yourself and to become complete with whatever happened.
For instance, you can write a letter. By doing so, you can process all your feelings and emotions, and say all the things you wished you would have said when your loved one was still alive.
I have done this exercise myself.
You can also imagine the loved one in your mind and see yourself talking to them. Sharing all the things that have been on your mind. All the things you wish you would have said.
You can’t find completion with anyone else. You can only create it for yourself. And it’s possible to do intentionally.
The Ultimate Transition
The ultimate transition is when each of us move on from this world to… whatever lies beyond death.
Although I’m sure I will find those who disagree, there is more than a preponderance of evidence to suggest that something indeed lies beyond this physical realm.
There are few (if any) religious or spiritual beliefs that don’t hold to the idea of an afterlife of some kind.
Remembering that many of these traditions and belief systems have been passed down through millennia, we can either throw the baby out with the bathwater or begin to embrace the wisdom of the ages.
Ask anyone who has recalled a near-death or clinical death experience, and inevitably they report moving towards a “bright light.”
We also know that there are those who claim to communicate with spirits, and have a massive following because of their ability to communicate spiritual truths.
Some even say they remember their past lives.
All I have done here is offer a surface level view of the evidence. You can easily go much deeper into the points mentioned, and even identify more.
Either way, this is the transition that’s waiting for us at the end of our time. But it’s not a life transition, at least not in the sense that we call our bodies life. It’s something else. Something more.
Expiry, Final Thoughts
Expiration can happen at a micro and macro level. The micro is you shedding a piece of yourself, moving into a new season, or embracing new life circumstances. Macro is when a pet or loved one passes.
Death can be challenging. We can mourn. We can celebrate. We can even do both. Whatever feelings arise, it’s only our job to acknowledge and love them. No need to try to fix or survive them.
I didn’t want this to sound like a how-to guide, which is why I haven’t offered a huge list of suggestions on how to handle expiry. We will handle it as we will. But if we can resolve it in the moment, we carry less of the burden with us.
I don’t know whether time is the great healer. But we always recover from transitions to varying degrees. The question is – how much of it are you willing to face?
Unless you have questions that need answering, the Life Transitions series is about to reach a conclusion. Let me know if there’s anything I missed.
Leave a comment below.
Shh… Don’t tell anyone. Only the cool kids are talking about it.
When I think of someone who waxes eloquent about age-related transitions, I imagine a grey-haired sage with glasses and a pipe giving a rare fireside chat.
Not a thirty-something digital nomad renaissance man who doesn’t have a singular focus but has tried his hand at a myriad of things – graphic design, web design, writing, podcasting, video, music, audio production, community, business, and more.
(That’s a wink to a dear friend of mine.)
So, what do I know about age? I know that I don’t know much.
Lately, I’ve been going through life confused as to why one moment is followed by another moment. I’ve been asking why it’s just a collection of sequential moments etched in memory.
Can’t life go on pause while I go and figure out a few things?
You can’t hold onto anything. So, why is it worth experiencing anything?
Clearly, I’ve had too much time to think.
(This is not said in defeatist or depressed kind of way – it’s said in a “wow, I didn’t realize this is what life was going to be” kind of way).
I have memories. I can remember a great deal about my past. But Dr. Joe Dispenza says we don’t even remember 50% of our past correctly.
It’s a wonder we rely on memory as much as we do, because it’s clearly not the most reliable source of information. It’s not even something as concrete as information as far as I’m concerned – it’s more like a dream.
What I’ve understood about age is this:
It goes forward, never backward.
You start as a child, not fully developed. In your first 18 to 21 years, your body develops fully.
By age 35, you are 95% set in stone as a personality. But you can tap into a new you using certain methods.
Every seven years, all your cells are completely replaced by new cells, and you end up with a new body.
We sometimes go through crises. The most documented is the midlife crisis, but we can have similar crises at other times (also known as quarter life crises).
Even these bullets are somewhat crude in understanding age. But we can use them as a starting point at least.
Seasons
Would it be accurate to say there are seasons in a person’s life?
And would it be fair to say the masculine and feminine journey are a little different?
This is a heated subject nowadays, and while I don’t wish to open that Pandora’s box, or incite a mass of hate mail, it seems most appropriate to raise this issue in connection with age and transitions.
If I may offer a suggestion…
Perhaps read the following with a grain of salt. If we were honest with ourselves, we’d see that we’ve all benefited from being introduced to concepts and ideas which at first, we didn’t think would be of any profit to our entitled perspectives.
The 6 Stages of Masculinity
Author John Eldredge, for example, eloquently expressed that the masculine journey is made up of six distinct stages:
Boyhood
Cowboy
Warrior
Lover
King
Sage
Per Eldredge, these stages can certainly overlap, especially the Warrior and Lover stages. If you don’t mind a religious perspective, then it’s certainly worth delving into Eldredge’s books for more insight, from which I have benefited.
The Boyhood and Cowboy stages have a limited lifespan, as a boy becomes a man and turns into a Warrior and a Lover. A Warrior always has a battle to fight, whether he faces it or not, and for many men it’s often represented by their ambition and desire to achieve in any area, grand or not.
Eldredge says not all men become a King, and nor should they. It’s a season or stage of life to be entered reluctantly because it means great responsibility over a greater number of people.
And a Sage is only a true Sage if he’s lived a life worth telling about.
Stages of Femininity?
Eldredge and his wife Stasi have also written on the heart of the woman, though I’m not sure they’ve defined the feminine journey in the same way they’ve done for the masculine journey.
I don’t think I couldn’t speak to it either way, but I want to emphasize that it isn’t any less important. Please, understand. I don’t wish to speak like an expert in a capacity where I’m starting from bush league.
And for anyone who feels excluded from this conversation, it was not intentional.
What might be wise is a conversation with a trusted mentor or even your grandparents if they’re still living. Asking them how they would define their journey. What stuck out to them. What seasons, stages, or phases, they progressed through. Getting a sense of where they feel they are now.
To me, that seems like a highly productive use of your time as it pertains to age-related transitions regardless.
Interpreting Transition Through Seasons
If we were to take for granted that every season is a transition, then it’s fair to say there are also mixed feelings marking each.
A transition from Cowboy to Warrior, for example, basically follows the progression from adolescence to manhood.
This would be a time of celebration. But also, a time for mourning.
Celebrate because you’re becoming a man. Mourn because your days of being a kid are over.
Which isn’t to say one must celebrate or mourn. But if we understood these transitions more clearly, we would also understand that some things are coming to an end, while other things are just coming to the fore.
None of it means we should give up something – like fun. Nor does it mean we should embrace something else – like duty and obligation (I have not known anything that sooner kills a person’s heart than duty and obligation).
But we can prepare for the journey ahead by pursuing the knowledge, wisdom, and experience of others.
I can only speak to what has made a difference for me. Depending on what you’re facing now, you may find my tips as useful as a placebo or band-aid.
I don’t know how much the cliché of buying a new car (“bicep extension”) helps with midlife crisis, nor do I know the aches and pains that apparently accompany seniority.
I have, however, experienced what I would describe as a quarter life crisis, shortly after graduating high school.
I never bought into the blatant propaganda of “these are the best years of your life, so you better enjoy them” (rather, I thought to myself, “these better not be my best years, because I had a miserable time thank you very much”), but in my eyes the end of high school signified nothing of especial importance. I didn’t even go to prom.
And what came after? More school? And then what?
Adulthood didn’t make sense to an 18-year-old, and while many see me as mature, I can promise that parts of me went severely underdeveloped and overlooked for years. I think I’m still working on that.
It’s entirely possible I will never “grow up” because I don’t know what that means, it seems rather boring to me anyway, and why is it necessary? I’ve learned that I can be as childlike as I want, so long as I am not childish (there is a difference).
Anyway, I’ve waffled long enough. Here’s what has worked with me in terms of handling transitions.
Counseling
One. Find a counselor. I have personally worked with two psychologists, as well as a career counselor (or was it a marriage counselor? – either way, what we discussed was general life stuff) at different points in my life.
If nothing else, I was presented with an outside perspective. I may not have been ready to accept it at the time, or even the desire to move forward with suggestions offered, but we can’t underestimate the value of another’s advice.
Most of the time, I don’t heed advice given (or don’t feel able to), but I can also remember a time when my mentor told me to do something (“sell your house”) and I did so immediately. His counsel was spot on. If you’re going to hold it inside, anyway, find someone to talk to.
Regrets
Two. Identify your regrets. Crisis has nothing to do with age, and everything to do with what you have, or haven’t done. Figure out what those things are. And, even if they involve people who’ve already expired or you’ve long lost contact with, it doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about it. You can confess or forgive in your mind. You can even write letters to them (no need to send them). And if your regrets involve passions or hobbies, then take it for granted that it’s never too late. Start now. Start today.
Three. Find something to get excited about again. As I turned 30, I wondered if there was honestly anything to look forward to in adulthood beyond what I was already staring back at.
Right around that time, I started watching the TV series Californication. Well, let’s just say the protagonist Hank Moody made adulthood look like a ton of fun to me. And something about the character resonated with me, even if he is an “asshole” (actor David Duchovny’s words, not mine).
Okay, so I don’t have an agent, I’m not a womanizer, and I’m not a parent yet, but I realized you don’t have to stop doing anything (especially having fun), just because you’re an adult.
Meditation
Four. Meditate. Meditation has become kind of the catch-all answer throughout this series. That’s wasn’t necessarily my intention, but it’s fair to say, if you’re going to sit with yourself and your emotions and everything that comes up while you’re feeling whatever you’re feeling, then you may as well make the process as beneficial and enjoyable as possible.
Meditation has innumerable health, mental, and emotional benefits, and as Dr. Dispenza says, you can even achieve heart-brain coherence with it. What a gift.
Meditation isn’t the be-all end-all by any stretch of the imagination. But its value is not lost on me, and I can see myself meditating for at least an hour per day, if not two, as part of my regular routine.
Age, Final Thoughts
Life is inevitable. Aging is also inevitable. And the inevitability of it is part of the experience. During that experience, we will think and feel many things.
The roller-coaster ride is exactly what we signed up for. We can fear it. We can loathe it. But we can also enjoy it. Let it unfold and play out. There is no right or wrong in this sense, but there is a choice.
As you experience transitions, document them. And share them with others who would find them beneficial. There’s no telling what others might be able to learn from your experience.
What has your experience with aging been like? How have you handled age-related transitions?
Unless you have questions that need answering, this series on life transitions is about to reach a conclusion. Let me know if there’s anything I can shine a light on.
Leave a comment below.
Shh… Don’t tell anyone. Only the cool kids are talking about it.
