Recently in Codependency Category

Roughly 6 years ago I bought my first house. Since then I have always had friends living here. My best friend just moved out today, and my other roommate will also be leaving overseas at the end of the month. Perhaps I will find other roommates, but I am on my own for the time being.

It's amazing how much that has put things into perspective. I have begun to realize that things don't get done around here unless I do them. It has caused me to take a much more intentional approach to life. It may sound like a silly notion, but I feel free to make my own decisions again.

Of course, I have always had that freedom. I suppose my life has - for the most part - revolved around those I live with, and their goals and interests in life. I would love to say that I have lived a balanced life, taking care of my own needs and supporting those I love with discernment and care, but the truth is that I have been codependent, either living my life vicariously through others or trying to please everyone.

Codependency seems to be the one acceptable addiction in religious circles. I can remember growing up in the church thinking that you had to live your life completely and totally sacrificially. I remember thinking that God expected me to be giving even when I had nothing, caring even when I didn't care for myself, and carrying other's burdens even when I had plenty of my own. I'm still not sure exactly where the line is, but I don't think God would have us cater to others to the point of hurting ourselves and downplaying our own needs.

It seems like everybody has a different picture of God. I'm not sure exactly who He is - and I don't think anyone is fully capable of understanding Him - but if He cares about His creation then surely He wants the best for each and every one of us. In our limited understanding we can't know what that looks like (for some of us it may mean enduring great hardship), but we can still put our trust in Him and release all of our cares to Him.

I believe that our individual definitions of joy and peace are skewed unless we are totally aligned with God and His will. I believe that joy and peace can be ours - in any circumstance - if we are seeking after His kingdom. I don't have that peace or joy in my life right now. There is a lot of inner turmoil I am wrestling with. I'm having trouble finding faith within me.

I've been asking God to give me the grace I need in my shortcomings. It is only because of Him that I can persevere.