June 2009 Archives

Like many, I was surprised and shocked to hear the news. Though I try to avoid the separation between 'common folk' and 'important people', I was still hit with an odd feeling to hear the passing of this worldwide icon. Michael Jackson was indeed a talented man, and an original at that.

I have no further insight into the details of his death, nor the controversy surrounding it. I have a feeling it will be covered in media ad nauseam, and even if it's not, I do not wish to add to the noise. As it is sometimes said, "death is a part of life". I don't really believe that death is indeed part of life, but it is an end to life as we know it. Ultimately, this is where we all end up.

Everything in life is fleeting, and when we try to hang on to something, we're actually doing ourselves a great disservice. Don't get me wrong; I believe there is a time and place for mourning, and I believe that it is a healthy process that we all need to go through. In fact, it is often said that it is a lifelong process.

However, we know that our youth is temporary. We can't hold on to it forever. I have found that learning to release and forgive that which has left us is a difficult but ultimately rewarding process. Focusing on the past robs us of the joy that can be found in the present.

I believe that after life there is eternity; either eternity in heaven, or eternity in hell. I couldn't tell you what either will be like. All I know is that we will have eternal union with God in heaven, or eternal separation from God in hell.

There's a lot more that I could say about Michel Jackson, but I feel like the bigger issue here is life and death. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we are all headed in that direction and we don't know how long we will have to love others before we leave this world. If you cannot find peace in this knowledge, I would encourage you to begin searching.

On my walk this morning, I noticed the words "if only..." printed on the pathway. Someone had neatly written these words with blue sidewalk chalk a short distance from the playground. It got me thinking.

A lot of us tend to view our past through glasses of regret, and view our future through the telescope of evil forebodings. It's okay to admit that, because it's human nature. Thinking positively is good, but it has to be tempered with reality.

I imagine there are many people with a lot of "if only's" in their lives. If only I was younger. If only I was older. If only I had a spouse. If only my spouse hadn't left me. If only I had a job. If only I had a job I actually liked. The list could be endless.

It can be difficult to see where our lives are taking us. Questions of predestination aside, what control do we truly have over our lives? Can we change who we are, and if so, how much?

A short-term perspective cannot yield a long-term solution. Yet we try so desperately to imagine what tomorrow will be like (i.e. I can't imagine my life without x, I can't imagine my dream coming to pass).

I am glad that I am serving a God who works outside of time. My immediate surroundings only tell me where I am in life right now. It informs me of my lack and abundance. It provides me with a set of unreliable data derived from past experiences. I either think in terms of favor or bias, which is ultimately pointless.

Yet, hardship builds character and endurance builds faith. Yes, there are unspeakable tragedies in this world, and I am not here to justify or defend those things. But I do believe that God can turn everything around. He can take something ugly, hurtful or untrue and turn it into something beautiful.

Maybe you can't see how you're going to survive the next two months. Maybe you find yourself in the midst of financial trouble. Perhaps you have lost all hope in life.

What you may have forgotten is that life is not built on your past. If, like me, you believe that Christ died on the cross for your sins, and you have accepted Him in your heart, you have reason to hope. He gives you a fresh start. He gives you as many chances as you need. Your past is not important to Him, and besides, He is willing to take it and make it into something beautiful.

I have many artistically inclined friends. Being a musician myself, I understand the dilemma of having to provide for oneself vs. pursuing passion. It's awesome when the two meet, but realistically speaking not everyone will find that.

Recently I've had the chance to catch up with a few people I haven't seen in awhile. I got to take a gander at their recent creative pursuits and was mighty impressed. I'm proud of my friends.

I don't think they realize what they hold in their hand. They have something amazing; something that could reach a lot of people. Yet they don't realize the value of what they have produced. They are unsure of their work, because it has yet to reach a lot of people.

What does it mean for something to have value? Does it have to be seen or appreciated by a lot of people to have value, or is it intrinsic?

Artists are often hard on themselves. It's difficult for them to realize the significance of their work. That's why they require so much support.

Much of what I have done to this point was in an effort to help those around me. When I book a show for myself, I try to invite my friends to come and play. I also used to maintain a website where I promoted local artists and concerts. I like to help out where I can, because I understand the struggle.

Sometimes artists just need to know that they are appreciated. They need to know that their work is prized. The least we can do is encourage them in their efforts.

As I started thinking about elaborating on finding one's creative purpose, I realized that there's a lot to cover and I don't even know where to start! I figured the best thing I could do is simply start at the beginning.

Allow me to share part of my story. When I was born, I was practically born with a paintbrush in hand. I had always thought that my artistic inclinations had trickled down from my uncle who is an artist, but according to my mom, I have always been the artistic type. I would sit in front of the TV watching Mr. Dressup, following along with his crafts and drawings.

In grade school I would often spend my free time drawing superheroes. I think I started drawing popular heroes like Superman and Batman, but eventually went on to create my own. This evolved into a variety of other creative ideas, like developing game concepts, drawing mazes and comics, and writing short stories.

My parents also signed me up for private art lessons. At first it went well, but apparently I don't follow direction too well and started drawing superheroes when I was supposed to be painting a flower. I guess you could say that I have often gone against the grain. My parents eventually pulled me from lessons because I was more interested in doing my own thing.

In the final years of elementary school, drawing comics became my primary focus. I had a friend who shared this passion, and though his artwork wasn't as clean as mine, I admired his ability to work fast and move a story along. I would often start a project and promptly leave it to work on something else. Completing large scale projects hasn't always been my strong suit, but I have been learning to finish what I start.

This hobby continued well into Jr. High, though things started to change when I entered High school. We'll get into that another time.

Nevertheless, I think you're beginning to see what I'm driving at. When I came out of the womb, I did not decide that I was going to be an artist. I did not wake up one day and say, "I'm going to produce a lot of work!" I did not say, "I'm going to get really good at this." These were all natural byproducts of following my creative inclinations.

I think we have the tendency to overanalyze our passions in North America. We spend too much time thinking, and not enough time doing! I'm sure if you think back there have been times in your life when you really enjoyed what you were doing. It brought you peace and joy and fulfillment. Perhaps someone told you that what you were doing was foolish and worthless, and that you had better get your act together. This is an unfortunate tendency in North America, because we place more value on things that are immediately profitable. What your accuser may not have realized is that they were attacking the very thing that would make you happy. Not only would you be happy doing it, but you probably had (and still have) the capacity to be really good at it!

Oftentimes our passions are so obvious that we have forgotten what they are. Is there something in your life that you would do without even being asked? Is there something you enjoy so much that you never really stopped to ask yourself why you do it? Perhaps it's that gear stowed away in your garage, or that binder collecting dust in your closet. Pull that out again. Passion cannot wait.

The world is built on a set of established systems and beliefs. People like these systems because it makes their life predictable, and to a degree, secure.

Many people dream of the day that they will have the freedom to do what they really want to do. They make certain assumptions about life that deter them from finding that freedom. They believe that life consists of school, work, marriage, and death. They make sacrifices for the future, believing that once they retire, they will have the time and resources to finally do what they really want to do.

If this is you, you may be unwittingly resisting the lifestyle that you truly desire.

Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with the 9 to 5 lifestyle. I admire those who drive to their cubicle every day, work hard, save up for the future, and support their family.

However, if you are critical towards those who are "living the dream" you are hindering your own progress towards the freedom you desire. You attract what you are in life, and as long as you are judging those who dare to live differently, you are resisting your own path to freedom.

I can personally tell you that creative types work really hard at what they do (at least the ones that I know). Their lives are not half as glamorous as you may assume them to be. They may enjoy certain freedoms like scheduling their own work hours or working from home, but if they have attained any level of success, they probably put in a lot of hours to get to where they are. It didn't just land in their lap.

Most of us would like to follow our passions, and think that would be the easiest thing in the world to do. I personally think that it is the harder thing to do, because you meet with more resistance. That's why there's so much fear attached to pursuing your true purpose in life.

I am reminded of Brin and Page, the creators of Google, who were so excited about their search technology that they hardly spent any time thinking about how to capitalize on it. They were more interested in working on their search engine than getting their hands on money.

The lesson here is that money is a reward, a bonus, a byproduct of pursuing your passion. Money is poor motivation for following your dreams. Money isn't enough to keep you going. If you want to get paid, you can go and work at a supermarket. If you want to follow your creative purpose in life, there has to be a larger vision and a higher purpose attached to it.

Embrace those around you who dare to go against the grain. You will begin to see your own world expand. You will start to embrace your own path to freedom.

You've probably heard the saying, "don't start what you can't finish" before.

Earlier this year, I became interested in pixel art. I've always been artistically inclined and creative, but it wasn't until recently that I thought it might be fun to try.

I decided to start working on a couple of projects to learn the ropes. I had done a bit of pixel art with Mario Paint and other game development software in the past, but this was the first time in a long time that I had done anything with it.

I often find that you start to figure things out pretty quickly when you dive in the deep end. The first project I did came out way too small, so I learned that I would need to make subsequent projects larger in scale.

My second project was of course larger, but the thing you have to realize with pixel art is that it is very time consuming. This project was taking a long time, and therefore sat in a folder on my desktop for a long time.

Fortunately, I finally got around to finishing this project in the last few days. I believe that if you finish what you start, it can really simplify your life. For whatever reason, this pixel art project was the first thing that came to mind when I thought about things I hadn't finished yet.

It's easy to start a million projects, but it takes endurance to see them through. When the initial excitement wears off, it's easy to talk yourself out of it. Even if you do carry through with it, you don't know if there will be any reward other than the satisfaction of knowing that you completed it. It takes tenacity to believe for more.

The image you see at the beginning of this post is the pixel art project I completed today. I realize that it may not be much to look at, but at least I finished it, and I know there were a couple of people that showed some interest in it.

If you would like to view some of my better artwork (I promise it's better than this), please view my DeviantArt page.

I got up at 7 AM today. Not that that should come as any surprise, but for those who know me you know that I've been making an effort to get up earlier since January 2008. For nearly 3 months I had been getting up at about 6 AM, and it seemed to be going well, until I finally burned out and had a panic attack in late February.

I don't think lack of sleep was the only reason I had a panic attack, but it certainly didn't help any. Moreover, I think I was having a hard time seeing a better future for myself. I expected bad things, because I had been through a lot and had trouble seeing my past in a positive light. I didn't plan for the future.

Slowly but surely I am beginning to see a better future for myself. I am beginning to see that anything is possible with the right mindset, and it's never too late to begin anew. I am finally planning for the future again, which was all but nonexistent in my previous mindset. I did not believe in a future. It's amazing how things can change when you start to see the world differently.

Recently I've been reflecting on how we all have a "birthright" of sorts. When we are born, we are bestowed with fearlessness and recklessness. Or, a more eloquent way of putting it is that we are born with no fears or cares in the world. Fears are learned behavior. While I have no scientific proof for what I am saying, my experience has shown this to be true.

Why do I get nervous before getting involved in a basketball game (I play in a recreational league)? Every game is a new game, and I have no grounds to believe that it will go badly. Yet, the past has shown me that things can go wrong. When I was in grade school, I don't remember feeling nervous before games, and performed exceptionally well. In this past season I felt like my thinking had been limiting my capabilities, and I had forgotten how to believe in myself, a natural and innate ability I was born with.

Not to brag, but in grade school I remember making shots from half court, randomly throwing the ball up in the air and dropping shots (as if they were ordained, before the beginning of time, to propel through that hoop), making steals, making passes, grabbing boards, and ultimately emerging as the top scorer in every game. Certainly there is something to be said about the competitive nature of sports, but I do wonder if it's not my own paradigm that has limited the possibilities in the present.

Today I find myself in a crunch of sorts. My financial advisor tells me that I have about a year before my funds run out. Perhaps this is due, in part, to my lack of "real-world" work experience. I have been teaching guitar for about 7 years now, and have had the odd job working with Japanese exchange students, serving beer at Latino festivals, coding websites, and have even made some money at selling CDs and performing music. This has been enough to get me by, but not enough to sustain my current lifestyle, and I have been challenged to evaluate my situation. I have been self-employed since the day I graduated College, but I may be joining the "real" work force in the near future.

I am not really worried about my financial situation anymore than usual, but it is at times like these that I want to call on my "birthright". Looking for new work and trying new things can be somewhat nerve-wracking, even a little scary, but I hope that my thinking doesn't limit my possibilities unnecessarily. Surely there are ideas I have yet to explore, horizons I have yet to trace, and first steps I have yet to take. I am relying on my courage and childlike faith to get me by.

I got up at 7 today so I would have more time to search my soul and try new things. It may not be long before I hear that telephone ring, urging me towards the 9 to 5 workforce, but for now I still have time to work towards my artistic goals and give some new things a try.